Forgetting My Life
by fizzwizz15
Summary: It is a week after Meredith has found out about Derek and Rose's kiss and she is not coping. After getting drunk one night and walking to the ferry port and falling asleep there, a terrible storm brews and washes her into the sea. What happens next? Read.
1. Introduction Part 1

**Introduction: Part One**

One week.

One week since he had dropped that bombshell on her.

The bombshell that he had found someone else.

He had kissed Rose…

A nurse.

He had found someone that makes him happy.

He was no longer going to be miserable.

Simply because he was not going to be with her.

Meredith was not coping.

She glanced around Joe's bar and saw in dismay that still none of her friends were there. In fact tonight it wasn't so busy in the bar even though she had been here for a few hours.

There was no one there she knew, except Joe, and once again she was spilling her heart out to him in-between sculling many shots of her old friend, tequila.

Joe had simply looked at her in sympathy, listening to her story of woe for the second time that night. It had been the same story that he had heard every night for the past week.

He was beginning to grow very concerned with just how much alcohol Meredith was consuming, but he knew it would not be a good idea to tell her to stop because she would not listen to him.

And he himself knew that she seemed to only find peace for a short while when she was so drunk that she could no longer talk straight.

Every night this had happened, he had simply called a cab and paid the fare for her to go home. It had been no trouble for him because at least he had known that she had gotten home safely every night.

"Joe…am I ugly or something?" Meredith suddenly asked after draining shot.

Joe cleaned out a glass with a cloth and looked at her with slight amusement.

"Honey, I'm the wrong person to ask. But if I was straight I would be very attracted to you. But you are not ugly." He said with a warm smile.

Meredith hiccuped, "Hmmm…well try telling that to Derek and his skanky nurse. I was never good enough for him then and I drove him away for someone who is a _nurse_…"

Joe stopped cleaning the glass and set it down on the bar along with the cloth.

He sighed sadly at the miserable woman in front of him. He remembered what she was like when she first came into the bar on that fateful night when she had met Derek.

She had been happy, flirty and smiling. Now the slumped figure at the bar in front of him was a mere shadow of that person he had first seen a long time ago.

"Oh Meredith…" he sighed quietly, "I don't know how you do it."

Meredith suddenly raised her head off the bar and looked at him confused, "Wha? Do what Joe? Come here every night and get drunk? That's not too hard to explain…"

Joe watched her for a few seconds before answering, "Make it through from one day to the next."

Meredith looked at him with a miserable smile.

"I'm dark and twisted Joe. Broken again by the man who said once that I was the love of his life only to also say at the same time that I make him miserable and that I should put him out of his misery. Seriously. The man who I can't let go of and I was actually getting ready to say to him that I liked the idea of us growing old together…him dying in my arms at 110 years old and…kids…a house…maybe eventually even marriage or whatever but…"

She looked at him, sadness and bitterness in her voice, "But I get through the day because I have to. I'm damaged; dark and twisted Meredith and I know that when I go back to the hospital tomorrow that I will no longer be the centre of attention or in the gossip. I will just be 'fine' once more to everyone although the whole time I am there I have to force myself to breathe."

Joe reached out with a hand and gently placed it on Meredith's arm.

"You have an inner strength that few people have Meredith, something I have rarely seen the entire time I have had this bar." He said quietly, his voice filled with admiration, causing Meredith to look up at him with tears in her eyes.

"Really?"

Her voice and eyes had a spark of hope in them, clinging onto his every word, drinking in all of the comfort and support from someone who was not caught up in the mess that she called her life.

Joe smiled and nodded a few times, rubbing her arm a few times before letting go and going back to cleaning a glass.

"More than you know Meredith. A lot of people have come through here so and I knew everyone of them. I have listened to their stories, pains and secrets. It's kinda my second job I guess you could say." He said, finishing off with a knowing smile and a wink.

Meredith smiled weakly up at him, "What would I do without you Joe?"

Passing her another shot of tequila, Joe laughed, "Find someone else to be your rock and serve you copious amounts of tequila."

Meredith drained the shot in a single gulp and looked at him with a drunken smile, "I think now Joe that I should take my leave before my hangover for tomorrow begins."

Joe smiled sadly at her, "Does that mean Grey now is the time to call for the cab."

Meredith slung her handbag over her shoulder at looked thoughtful for a second before turning to him with a half smile.

"No Joe…I don't think I will be needing a cab tonight."

Joe instantly looked at her, worry clouding his features, "You're not leaving here and driving home." He said in a very stern voice.

Meredith now smiled broadly at him and shook her head, "No I am not going to drive home. In fact I am going to go back to the hospital and have a sleep in the on-call room."

Joe looked extremely serious at her, "You promise Meredith?"

Nodding, Meredith placed her hand over her heart, "Cross my heart…or whatever."

Joe nodded back, looking satisfied, "Ok, go then. But if you break this I will never serve you another shot of tequila again."

Meredith nodded, not really caring, and she stumbled towards the door of the bar without replying.

The instant she made it outside, she heard two voices coming down the street behind her.

A male and female.

His voice was so familiar to her that the repressed tears instantly began to rise.

She did not turn around as she began to stumble away down the street away from them.

Derek and Rose.


	2. Introduction Part 2

**Introduction: Part Two**

In that moment Meredith could not bear to see him…her…them…together.

It was in that moment that Meredith fully accepted that she and Derek were over for good.

He had found the partner that could give him what she could not.

_Then so be it…_

Meredith raised her head up straight and began to try her best to walk down the street without seeming drunk.

She was well aware that the couple behind her, coming her way, would be able to see her silhouette and back.

Hoping against hope that he would not recognise her, Meredith tried to speed up her walking but the world spun so fast that she had to resume back to walking slowly.

She could only manage a metre every few seconds just so she wouldn't go off balance and fall over.

But as she walked a wind suddenly blew and it carried the laughing voices from behind her.

As his laughing voice echoed in her ears that made Meredith stop walking instantly.

She listened intently as the door to Joe's opened and she heard Derek say in a charming tone, "Ladies first."

Meredith heard Rose laugh, charmed by Derek's rich voice.

The voice that she had considered only hers, but it was when she waiting for the door to shut heavily to signify they were both inside, his voice suddenly spoke to her.

It echoed in the wind as it blew gently in her ear, making it sound softer and more mysterious than she had ever thought possible.

"Meredith?"

His voice made her melt inside and her heart break all over again.

Without replying, Meredith shut her eyes and began walking again.

She just walked away slowly, knowing he was not going to come after her or speak to her again because it must have been obvious to both him _and _Rose that it had been her stumbling out of Joe's.

Pissed, as a skunk and probably smelling like a brewery.

_Good one Meredith…now he knows I am a drunken sad sack who gets hammered to try and forget him…terrific._

Embarrassment flooded Meredith as she continued walking down the street, completely unaware as to where she was going but at least it was away from _him _and _her_.

As she walked past several buildings, Meredith heard the extremely faint sound of a door shutting far away and Meredith felt her heart close with it.

Quickly stopping and turning around, Meredith turned around and nearly fell over as her balance suddenly tipped itself off the normal scales.

There was no one standing in front of the door to Joe's bar.

With a small sob, Meredith turned away and continued walking.

"I have a thing for ferryboats…" Meredith mumbled absently as the world continued to look blurry and slightly shaky.

He had said that to her, but now she needed to go and see them for herself.

To go and see something that gave her some peace.

They would always remind her of him, but she had liked them before she met him so they were not tainted like everything else that was associated with him.

Meredith slowly made her way along through the streets not passing many people but those she did, did not give her a second glance. To them she had an aura of complete loss of hope, loss in one's self and in life. Someone whom had no meaning in the world anymore.

She did not pay attention to whomever she passed, and eventually she made her way to where she wanted to go.

At the ferry docks, Meredith looked around and saw no ferryboats.

Even though she had known there would be none at this late time, Meredith still couldn't help but feel sad.

"Hmmm…" she mumbled quietly, looking around for a place to sit for tiredness was slowly creeping through her body.

To her right was an empty park bench and Meredith smiled with relief as she quickly made her way and sat down on it.

Only when did she sit down did the world stop spinning and shaking.

Relaxing against the wood, Meredith sighed deeply as she felt her epic sadness wash over her. Mixed with her tiredness, the epic amount of tequila, her inner turmoil, heartbreak and loss of hope and giving up on life, it was a deadly concoction as Meredith lay herself down on the chair and curled up into a ball.

Covering herself up with her coat, Meredith felt warmth slowly flow through her and she shut her eyes.

Clasping her bag to her chest to protect it, Meredith sighed deeply and felt herself give in to the black numbness invading her head and body. Taking her over.

"I hope I never wake up tomorrow…" she mumbled before her body gave out and she finally passed out.

Meredith was beyond the call of being able to hear the thunder clouds rumble in the sky overhead, nor the deafening 'crack' when it finally started. She was beyond being able to see the blinding lighting flash in the sky, covering all of Seattle in a bright flash of light.

Meredith was beyond feeling when the rain started to fall heavily from the sky, soaking her through her clothes and drenching her skin.

She was completely unaware of the wind picking up and beginning to blow a gale, causing the normally calm sea to churn and create monster waves.

These waves crashed against the port with amazing ferocity, growing stronger and larger with every wave that slammed against the cement.

The waves slowly crept up closer and closer to Meredith's unconscious form on the bench and it was when a massive wave slammed directly onto her park bench that it sent Meredith's tiny frame tumbling into the rough ocean and disappearing out of sight.

The ocean claiming another victim.

Or to be more precise…welcoming her back to its watery depths.

**A/N: ****Please review because I am not too sure about this story.**


	3. Chapter One: Found

**Chapter One: Found**

_Darkness…_

_Coldness…_

_Water…_

_Choking…_

_Looking up and seeing the stormy sky above her as she fought her way to the surface…_

_Struggling for air…_

_Wave after wave hitting her…_

_Forcing her back under the surface…_

_Fighting with every ounce of her being…_

_Help…please someone help me…_

_Again darkness…_

_Enveloping her and driving her back into unconsciousness…_

_Derek…_

The morning was clear and the sun hung heavy in the sky. The air was cool and there was a slight breeze that whispered across the land.

As it hit his face, James Mclean shut his eyes and relished the feeling of it. He was a ruggedly handsome thirty seven year old man who had moved to Seattle three years ago and loved it because the rain reminded him of his homeland, Scotland.

Opening his eyes again, he surveyed the land around him.

There was much damage to the many trees and bushes, branches snapped and sprawled all over the ground.

He sighed heavily at the full day's work ahead of him.

Deciding that procrastinating was the best option, he turned his back on the carnage before him and went for a walk on the shores of his land where it met the ocean.

The storm last night had been the worst he had ever seen and he was fearful of the large number of injured or dead creatures that always washed up the shore after a powerful storm.

Trudging down over gravel and a rock path, he made his way onto the muddy beach and began his routine search.

Inspecting the landscape meticulously, he found many dead fish, birds and other small sea life but nothing that was alive and he could rescue.

The rocky beach looked as if a tornado had been through it and James looked at the damaged landscape with sadness. It was going to take at least a year for the ground to recover and for life to return to his land.

As he continued walking something suddenly caught his eye.

At least ten metres away from him was a huge pile of seaweed but there was something trapped underneath it all.

Something _large_…and _human!_

Instantly James ran over to the large pile of seaweed and began throwing it off whoever it was.

It took only a few seconds for him to reveal the lower half of a body.

Pausing for a second James looked on in horror at the thin jean-cladded legs. Immediately he recognised that they belonged to a woman and he felt his heart overcome with emotion.

_Oh it wasn't fair…_

Kneeling on the muddy beach, James felt his jeans immediately become soaked they began to absorb water.

With much more care, he removed the rest of the seaweed still covering the top half of the woman's body. When he revealed it, he felt his heart break in two.

With great care he stroked her face and immediately could tell from the icy temperature and the whiteness of her face and the deep blue tinge to her lips that she was gone.

"Oh no." he said with heavy emotion, "Ah ya wee lass…"

But suddenly she coughed!

James's deep brown eyes widened in shock and amazement and his hand recoiled from her as if he had been shocked.

Instantly his hand went to her throat and he could feel it.

Her pulse.

Weak, but it was there!

"Lass you're alive!" he cried out in amazement.

She did not move or cough again, but instinct took over for James as he reached out and carefully swooped her up in his arms.

As her head lay limply against his chest, she felt like a block of ice to him…but at least she was breathing and had a heartbeat.

Looking down into her frozen face, James felt his heart melt slightly at the beauty in his arms.

The storm had washed her up onto his shores and now it was up to him to nurse her back to health.

'_That I can an'a will do.' _He thought with determination as he quickly began walking off the beach and towards his cottage.

He ran all of the way back to his cottage and once he was inside, James instantly placed Meredith on his large double bed and ran over to his medical supplies cupboard.

Being the multitalented man he was, he already knew that he had to stabilise both her body temperature and fluids.

Grabbing both lots of blankets and several bags of fluids along with several sterilization packs of needles, swabs and alcohol, a small machine with a screen and wires, and a pair of surgical scissors.

Quickly rushing back to Meredith's side, James instantly sterilised her hand, connected a needle to a bag of fluid and inserted it into her hand.

James held the bag up in the air and watched as the fluid began to flow slowly into Meredith. Glancing around, James hung the bag on a hook close on the wall.

Smiling at his genius quick thinking, he looked back at her and his eyebrows drew together in slight discomfort.

This was going to be awkward…but it had to be done.

With a sigh, James reached over for the scissors and began to quickly cut up her saturated clothing.

It took only a few seconds to cut and remove them, but James surprisingly did not find it embarrassing as he did it.

When the clothes were lying in a soaking pile on the floor, he had left her underwear and bra on for modesty but James did not look at her as if he was checking her out.

Instead he could only stare at just how small and icy her body was. But it was the extremely blue tinge to her skin that made him feel extremely worried. But the only relief that he could get was that it looked like she had no other injuries.

James quickly hooked up a few small wires onto her chest and switched on a small machine.

Instantly he began placing the special aluminium heating blankets over her, one at a time. When he had placed a few on top of her, he looked at the small machine and saw her heartbeat and body temperature.

Quickly he lifted up one eyelid at a time and shining a light into both of them simultaneously, he saw in relief that both irises contracted from the light.

Her heartbeat was extremely slow and her body temperature was more than a few degrees underneath what was considered 'normal'.

But now, all he had to do was observe her and wait to see if she was going to improve and wake up.

She had to improve in body temp and pulse within the next few hours otherwise he would have to some how get her to the hospital.

He only hoped it would not have to come to that.

Looking over at the pile of ruined clothing on the floor, James quickly went over and picked them up and went searching through them for some sort of identification.

When his search ended up with nothing, he felt extremely sorry for the woman he had rescued. All he could hope for was that she would at least have her memories when she woke up.

If she woke up…

As he watched his new patient on his bed, he could not help but whisper quietly, "Who are you lass? And what on earth happened to you?"

**A/N: ****BIG thanks to Carrisa, nanda, Amythest Girl and oulipo 19 for the reviews. :D**

**But before I continue, this is the second version I have written (but I haven't posted the first) so this is my preferred story line. Thanks again and reviews would be great simply because I will know how I am going. **

**Oh, and the character James Mclean belongs to me and he is Scottish because I want him to be. :D Who he is and his past will slowly come out and it is intertwined with Derek's and Seattle Grace. :D**


	4. Chapter Two: Where Is Meredith?

**Chapter Two: Where is Meredith?**

At the exact same time, Meredith's name was on the lips of her friends and the Chief of Surgery at the hospital.

When she had not returned home last night and had not gone to work that morning, Cristina, Izzie, George and Alex had started to get extremely worried.

Before reporting it to Bailey or the Chief, Izzie, Cristina and Alex had handled her interns and made them all go to the Pit for the day until Meredith came to work.

They all decided that they would give her an hour before reporting to the Chief about it.

But that hour quickly passed and real worry set in.

Where was Meredith?

All three residents and George set off to the Chief and told him that neither of them had seen her since the end of yesterday's shift and that she had not come home last night.

The Chief had immediately asked them questions like how she had been yesterday, did they suspect she had left somewhere, did she have an appointment for something, was there any reason that she might not be at work, had anything happened recently in her life that could have affected mentally.

At that question the four had all shared uneasy glances but the Chief had just told them to spit it out.

It had been Izzie who had told him about Derek and him sort of cheating on Meredith by kissing Rose the nurse.

Cristina had quickly chimed in that despite that Meredith had still been coming to work regardless and that she was sure that Meredith would be coming to work any minute.

The Chief eyes had widened when Izzie had been speaking but he had looked at Cristina with worry.

"Do you personally know where she was last night Yang?" he asked, raising his eyebrows at her.

"No sir."

"Then _never _assume that she will be here at any minute. I want to know _exactly _where Meredith Grey was last night after she left here and if anyone has seen her since then, even if it means having to ask every _single _staff member in this hospital." He replied sternly.

All four nodded and were about to leave when the Chief quickly added, "Someone go and see Joe first."

They all nodded at him and left his office. In the hall outside it, they all felt the harsh bite of fear and panic begin to rise within them.

"What if she has done an Addison?" George asked fearfully, causing Cristina and Izzie to glare at him.

"No George, don't be an idiot. Meredith would never do that without talking to me first." Cristina said fiercely, but her own worry was beginning to escalate about her best friend. Meredith had always been able to talk to her about everything, so what if maybe she really had gone and done something stupid?

The four friends quickly went their separate ways when it was decided that Alex would be the one to go and talk to Joe while the other three were to keep a sharp eye out for her.

Alex ran all of the way over to Joe's and he burst into it like a tornado, quickly scanning the room to see if she was there.

To his dismay she wasn't so he quickly made his way over to the bar where Joe was watching him with great interest.

"Looking for someone Karev?" he asked with a warm smile.

Alex looked at him with a very serious expression, "Joe, did Meredith come in here at all last night?"

Joe's smile instantly disappeared and turned into one of confusion, "Yeah she did. She's been coming in here every night for the past week and knocking back tequilas like no tomorrow because Shepherd has been the ultimate jackass to her."

Alex's expression turned sombre, "Yeah, Shepherd sure has been more than just the ultimate jackass to Mer."

Anger rumbled in his voice and every fibre in Alex wanted nothing more than to pummel Derek into a pulp for breaking his friend beyond repair.

Joe could see Alex's anger and he understood it too well.

"Alex all I can say is that she left here at about midnight-ish. I offered to get order a cab but she had promised to me that she would go back over to the hospital and sleep in an on-call room for the night."

Alex looked at him in shock then looked away as worry began to travel through him again.

Running a hand through his short hair, he shut his eyes and sighed in frustration.

_Where the hell was she?_

"Karev what's going on?" Joe asked, now extremely worried at how Alex was acting in front of him at his answers.

Alex looked at Joe with worry, "Meredith hasn't turned up to work today and nobody knows where she is."

Joe's eyes widened and guilt flooded his face, "Oh god, what if she drove home?"

Alex shook his head quickly, "She didn't drive anywhere because her car is still parked at the hospital."

Joe sighed in relief but the feeling of relief didn't last long. Looking back at Alex he asked, "Then where could she be?"

Alex didn't even answer that question as he thanked Joe for his vital information and quickly walked over to the door.

Just before he opened the door to leave, Joe suddenly called out, "Jackass and his nurse might have seen her on the street because she left only a minute before they came in here."

Alex stared at him for a few seconds and exclaimed, "Thank you Joe." Before exiting out of the door in a blur.

Joe sighed and went back to cleaning his bar, slightly feeling sorry for what the jackass Shepherd was going to have to deal with when Alex caught up with him.

It took Alex only ten minutes to find Derek Shepherd having a coffee and talking and laughing with the nurse called Rose.

The sight of the pair made Alex's heart rage with anger at how Derek was just showing off his new relationship without even caring what Meredith and her friends thought.

But then again that had always been Derek in his eyes.

A jackass.

Walking straight up to Derek, he immediately tapped him hard on the shoulder.

Derek stopped talking and turned around to look at Alex with a smile, "Ah Dr. Karev, what can I do for you?"

Alex had to bite his tongue to stop himself from stringing an extremely abusive insult and he juts kept his face and voice completely blank as he answered, "Dr Shepherd I really need to speak to you."

Derek regarded Alex with confusion but the way Alex was looking at him, he knew that it must be something important.

"Ok Alex, what is it?"

Alex glanced at Rose and then back at Derek, "Dr Shepherd I need to talk to you _alone._"

Derek frowned slightly at him but nodded slightly and turned around to face Rose.

"I'll be back soon." He said with a happy smile before quickly leaning down giving her a small kiss on the cheek.

Alex turned away as he did and walked off into a nearby empty office without waiting for Derek to follow.

The instant that Derek was in the office, Alex shut the door and looked at Derek with a very intimidating expression while Derek just placed both of his hands into the pockets of his long white coat.

"Would you mind telling me what this is about Alex?" Derek asked, feeling slightly annoyed that Alex had pulled him away from talking to Rose.

Alex exhaled in annoyance at the stupid man in front of him, but he did not want to blow his top off now because he did not want to give Derek a chance to have to worry about Meredith.

'Not that he probably would anyway' Alex thought with disgust before he finally spoke.

"Last night when you went to Joe's with Rose, did you see Meredith at all outside before going in?"

Derek looked at Alex with complete confusion and slight suspicion, "Yes I did why. She was completely drunk and stumbling down the street away from us as we approached the door to Joe's."

Alex felt his heart pinch with worry and concern.

_God Meredith, where are you?_

Quickly nodding at Derek, Alex said, "Thank you Dr Shepherd."

Without saying anything else, he started to walk towards the door but Derek suddenly stood in front of him and blocked his way.

"Why did you ask Alex?"

Alex looked Derek in the eye and glared outright at him.

"It's none of your god damn business jackass." Alex growled and stormed out of the room and slammed the door with a resounding 'BANG!'.

Derek stared in shock at the now closed door.

What on earth was wrong with Alex?

All he knew that it was something to do with Meredith.

Thinking about her made his heart wrack with sadness and guilt at him kissing and now being with Rose, but he found it easier just to not think about her and to avoid her altogether.

He had barely seen her the past week and had not spoken directly to her at all, not even during a consult in which he had had another resident talk to her.

Yes he still loved her, there was no denying that, but he knew that he could not continue waiting for her.

He needed someone that he could be with now, someone that was not dark and twisted, self-loathing and self-destructive, someone who was happy to commit and not scarred, someone who could breathe on their own.

Someone who was not Meredith Grey.

But that someone did not stop the _craving _he had for her.

He still saw her as 'his' deep down and he knew he always would.

Derek didn't know what he was going to do, but all he knew was that Rose was going to be his salvation from the broken man he had become because of Meredith.

Love was never meant to feel like this, but Meredith still felt to him that she was the piece that could make him whole.

But he had rejected his own yearning body and feelings and was allowing Rose to slowly fill that place that had always belonged to Meredith.

But he was still slightly shaken by Alex's statement.

Something was not right and he wanted to get to the end of it.

Walking out of the room, Derek set off towards Rose with a smile on his face.

_I'll find out later…_

**A/N:**** Thanks to maya92 and oupoli 19 for reviewing. Any other reviews would be great because I want to make sure I have got characterization correct and what people think of my story. :)**


	5. Chapter Three: Improvement

**Chapter Three: Improvement**

Six hours slowly crept past…

James did not move from his position beside his bed, watching over Meredith like a hawk.

He continued to replace one bag after another of warm vital fluids that were hydrating her body, providing her with the right things to begin working again properly.

As he watched her, her temperature began to _slowly _rise and her weak pulse was beginning to beat slightly stronger as her body rested and recovered.

James could remember looking after countless cases of people with hypothermia whenever they went swimming in the lochs for foolish amounts of time but he was quite amazed at just how quickly this woman was recovering.

_She must have been on the beach for hours after being washed up on it, near frozen and exposed to dangerously low temperatures, and she is still alive. She is one tough fighter…_

"Ye hang in there lass," he said encouragingly, smiling at her still face.

"I know ye might think I'm a verra weird to be talking ta ye like this, but I've always found it helpful to let the patient know that they are not alone and…"

He looked away as sadness began to slowly flood him.

Quickly James shut his eyes and shook away the memories that threatened to overwhelm him.

"It's nice to have company again lass." He finished and looked back at her still form.

Leaning over he adjusted the blankets slightly and tucked them in to make sure no precious warmth escaped.

She had not coughed or made any other necessary movement since he had rescued her, but James saw with slight elation that the shocking blue tinge to her lips was beginning to be replaced with pink and her white cheeks were being filled with colour.

James smiled and decided to go off into the nearby kitchen in the next to put the kettle on because he had not consumed anything since finding the lass.

And he was dying for a mug of strong coffee.

As he began filling the pot, a small moan suddenly came from the room next door and instantly James turned off the tap and shot back into the room.

On the bed the woman was twisting and writhing slightly, her face screwed up in discomfort and fear.

She was moaning something incoherently over and over and James knelt himself on the ground next to her bed and watched her for a few seconds.

He suspected she was dreaming because she kept on mouthing the word 'no' over and over.

Despite her slowly rising body temperature, he watched in shock as the new colours in her face suddenly disappear and her face pale terribly.

Whatever it was she was dreaming or remembering…it was bad.

Despite his better judgement, James reached out with his large hand and placed it gently on her forehead.

The effect on her was instantaneous as he watched Meredith stop moving and her face melted into one of relaxation.

She sighed deeply and relaxed under his hand.

In her subconscious, she had been reliving the horrors of last night and fighting to stay alive in the stormy waters. She had been drowning in her mind but the feeling of a cool hand had eased away her nightmare memories.

She did not know who it was, where she was or what was happening to her now.

All Meredith knew was that she was safe from the water and she was warm.

Her body was beyond exhausted and sore…but her mind was buzzing.

It knew it was nowhere near ready to wake herself up yet because she wanted to sleep for a long, _long _time.

But she could feel the blankets wrapped tightly around her, the several wires attached to the bare skin on her chest, and the needle in her hand.

She felt confused and couldn't remember…anything.

But she found she did not care…

She was safe, warm and was resting.

That was enough for Meredith in this very second but when she heard a voice speak she could not help but try to open her eyes.

"Are ye comin' round lass?"

The voice sounded so warm and…welcoming.

Inviting even…

Scottish.

James watched with a smile on his tired face as he watched Meredith's eyes flicker a few times before they started to open.

"Hello…" he said with a huge smile as Meredith's green eyes fully opened and stared at him an unfocussed gaze.

She looked at him confused, eyebrows drawn together, blinking a few times to make her eyes focus.

When she saw him clearly for the first time, Meredith felt something shift inside her and she was surprised and confused to find it to be _disappointment._

A part of her had been…expecting someone else.

But who?

Meredith did not find herself to be alarmed though or awkward in the presence of this good-looking stranger because she immediately knew he had saved her life.

Plus there was also something about him that made her feel at ease and safe.

Meredith opened her mouth to talk but she released only a small croak and winced at her extremely dry sore throat.

James leant forward and held a glass of water with a straw towards her mouth.

With a small smile he said, "Don't try talkin' just yet lass. Ye body needs a chance to recover some strength first before ye can do anythin' like that."

Meredith nodded slightly and had a small sip from the glass of water.

Immediately her throat felt a little bit better but it was still extremely sore.

"Feel a bit better?" he asked and Meredith managed to nod weakly.

James looked at her with a serious expression but he was stilling smiling at her slightly, "Now lass, I need to tell ye where you are and what has happened. I found ye washed up on my beach this morning although there was no identification on ye. Ye were in a sever hypothermic state but once I hooked you up to some fluid and placed these thermo blankets on ye and ye health turned around in the flip of a coin."

Meredith just looked at him groggily and nodded, not really taking in what he was saying because her body was just so sore and tired that the warmth of the blankets and the bed was beginning to overwhelm her again.

Snuggling down slightly, Meredith sighed sleepily and mumbled, "Ok, I somehow washed up on your beach from wherever I was and we don't know who I am."

James looked at her in immediate concern, "You don't remember who you are?"

Meredith's eyes shot open and she looked up at his face, really focussing for the first time.

She immediately liked what she saw, especially his green eyes, but something stirred in her again and she found herself wanting it to be someone else.

But who?

James watched her confused face, seeing her desperately trying to remember _something_.

"Lass can ye remember anything at all about ye-self?"

Meredith looked at him and felt panic and tears begin to rise within her.

"No I can't…" she whispered in alarm.

**A/N:**** Thankyou so much to merfan, tayababy, bangelforeveralways, oupoli 19, McKenzieMac who reviewed:D **

**Oh dear, Meredith has amnesia. A whole new twist to the story unfolds. :D**

**Reviews would be nice to know how I am going.**

**And I am glad that I am getting the characterization right. :D**


	6. Chapter Four: Possibly Missing

**Chapter Four: Possibly Missing…**

Miranda Bailey was in the Chief's office listening to the shocking news.

"If nobody sees her for another twelve hours then we are going to have to file a missing report to the police."

Bailey looked at the Chief and then looked away, speechless.

"She's done a runner hasn't she?"

Her voice was one of total shock, and the Chief just came and pulled up a chair next to her.

"I thought I should tell you so at least you know."

She suddenly looked at him in anger, "And _why_ are you telling me and not the rest of the staff?"

The Chief suddenly felt guilty at how Bailey was looking at him, but he suddenly cleared his throat and remembered that he was of higher rank than her.

But Bailey did not care, "Chief, why are you telling me?"

"Because I thought that you would want to know before I call a staff meeting."

He said it simply, but sternly. They were both upset and worried about Meredith and they were letting their emotions get the better of them.

"Well she was my intern after all…" Miranda said begrudgingly, causing the Chief to smile slightly at you.

"And that is why you deserved to know before everyone else."

She looked at him with a slightly soft expression, "How many people other people know she's missing?"

The Chief sighed and looked away from her, "Yang, Kirev, Stevens and O'Malley."

"Is that all?"

He looked at her and he read her suspicion in her eyes.

"Yes Miranda, I think that is all. I don't believe that her friends would tell Shepherd unless they absolutely had to."

Bailey looked away and exhaled heavily in anger and frustration, "That fool always has a way of breaking that poor girl. I won't be surprised if she really has gone just for the sake of what he has done to her."

The Chief nodded, "Yeah, Meredith has been through more than what we will go through our entire life."

Miranda looked at him with an understanding expression, "Yes she has. I just hope she ain't dead in a gutter somewhere because of it."

The Chief looked at her, shocked at her bluntness, but Bailey just looked at him with a very sombre expression.

"Chief, we have to be very real with the situation and think of all of the possibilities of what could happen."

Her expression softened as the Chief began to look visibly upset.

"But sir, it doesn't mean that we can't hope for the best."

The Chief nodded and gently put his hand on top of Bailey's and squeezed it.

"I hope so Miranda, I hope so."

1111111111111

Bailey paged Izzie, Cristina, George and Alex to the attending's lunchroom.

When they four finally arrived, they all stared at her in surprise.

"Dr Bailey you paged all of us?" Izzie asked in surprise.

Her reward was Bailey looking at her as if she was the stupidest person on Earth.

"I know." She replied, her voice so straight to the point that her four old interns all shared a guilty glance at each other. "I know that Dr Grey is missing."

Alex stepped forward, "Dr Bailey I went to Joe's and he said she was there last night."

Bailey instantly looked at him in slight shock before quickly asking, "Have you told the Chief yet?"

He shook his head but before she could blow up and yell at him, Alex quickly continued, "But he told me that Dr Shepherd and his skanky new nurse girlfriend were the last person to see her a minute after she left."

Bailey's eyes looked intently at him, "And did you ask Dr Shepherd about this?"

Alex looked at her, suddenly sheepish and feeling as if he was in primary school again and his teacher was asking if he had done his homework.

"Uh…yes Dr Bailey."

Instantly Bailey 'whacked' him hard on the arm.

"You darn fool! What did you go and have to do a stupid thing like that?!" she yelled.

Cristina, Izzie and George looked on in shock at Bailey's reaction but they had heard from Alex that she had developed a way to express her anger by letting it loose on him.

Alex winced and tried to shield his arm but Bailey continued to slap it until he finally replied, "I only did it to find out because then we have a witness as to where she could have gone off too. And it had only been McDreamy who had seen her."

Bailey immediately stopped hitting him and glared up at him with thundering anger, "Did you _tell _him the reason behind asking him such a random question Kirev?"

Alex quickly shook his head and Bailey stepped away from him and looked away, deep in thought.

"That damn fool," she mumbled quietly before looking back at the four in front of her.

"Does anyone else have _anything _they would like to add?" she asked, using a tone that said she did not want to hear anything else.

In synchronisation they all shook their head, although Alex did have one last thing to say.

He did not open his mouth but Bailey could see from his face that he wanted to talk.

"This had better be good Kirev." She said in an unimpressed tone.

Alex said, "Shepherd did not even seem interested as to why I asked him if he had seen Meredith last night."

Everyone looked at him in shock.

"He didn't seem _interested?!" _Izzie exclaimed in angered horror.

"That McBastard!" George spat.

"I'm going to kill him myself if Meredith is found dead." Cristina, her voice filled with such malice and anger that her eyes now looked black.

Bailey looked at her then back at Alex then back at Cristina again.

"I'll deal with him myself before you even _think about_ taking a single damn step towards Dr Shepherd." Bailey said in a threatening voice.

Cristina looked at Bailey with something resembling hate but she just exhaled heavily at the floor.

Bailey looked at Cristina with complete sympathy, "Yang, I know you two are best friends and that you all care for her, but we have to wait for the full twenty four hours before we can file a missing report with the police."

Cristina nodded in silence, at a complete loss of what to do. She felt totally helpless and it made her feel scared. She barely managed after Burke had left her, but she knew that she would never be able to cope if her person was gone forever.

Izzie, Alex and George shared a sad glance before stepping forward and hugging Cristina.

In silence she accepted it and allowed them to touch her.

Bailey looked at them all with sadness. Meredith was the heart of her circle of friends and the heart of her interns. Bailey still saw them as her interns and, although she would never admit it to them, she cared about them a lot.

Their personal problems affected her day, but the more they did the more she found it that they weren't affecting her day, but more her feelings as a teacher to guide and teach them.

They had made her feel concern for interns, which should never happen in a hospital, let alone with her.

"Now I am going to go and neither of you is to say a word of this to _anyone_!" Bailey said, causing them all to look at her with the utmost attention. "When I walk out of this room, you four are going to go back to your jobs as if nothing is wrong and I am going to do all I can to contact Grey. If there is no contact made within the next twelve hours then we will have to file for a missing person."

They looked at her blankly, causing her to look at them with angered dismay.

"Do you not understand me?" she asked, growling slightly.

Immediately all four nodded their head and they watched as Bailey gave them all one last glance before walking out of the room.

Once the door shut, they all looked at each other and felt an unbearable tension in the room.

"So McDreamy was the last to see her…" Cristina said very calculatingly.

She looked at Alex with a very blank expression, "Did you ask him which direction she was going?"

Alex shook his head and Cristina's face darkened, "Evil spawn you ass! That was the _one thing _that was more important than finding out who had last seen her!"

Running a hand through her hair, she looked at Alex as if she would happily start yelling and throwing things at him.

Izzie quickly stepped in between them and looked at Cristina with a reassuring look, "Cristina, I'm sure that at the time Alex was trying his best not to beat the crap out of McDreamy when he was talking to him because he is just as frustrated as we all are."

Cristina stared at Izzie with a very cold stare, "Izzie, shut up. You're hopeful enthusiasm is not helpful and is extremely annoying. Last time Meredith went missing she had drowned in the bay and had died. Do you remember that?"

Izzie looked at her in silence but Cristina continued talking.

"So as the past has shown, Meredith doesn't really have a great track record when it comes to her. Full stop. So I'm sorry Izzie, but I think that we will all have to go and search for her because I think that it will be too late this time if she is in danger."

**A/N:**** I just added another chapter because McKenzieMac was the first to leave a reviewand to also share my wonder as to what would ever happen if Meredithever went back into the water.**

**People like this story. :D **

**What I am going to try and do is have one chapter focussed on Meredith and the next chapter assigned to what is happening at the hospital and follow with that pattern, unless if something changes.**

**Thanks again and reviews would still be wonderful to know how I am going. Enjoy reading. :)**


	7. Chapter Five: Amnesia Sucks

Chapter Five: Amnesia Sucks…

**Chapter Five: Amnesia Sucks…**

A few more hours had passed and after resting the entire time, Meredith felt strong enough to be able to try and remember who she was. James had removed the heat-trapping blankets and had placed her underneath the thick warm sheets on his bed. He had given her some spare women's pyjamas that he had found in a drawer and had instantly walked out of the room before Meredith could ask about them, let alone say thank you to him.

Unfortunately James had to come back in and un-connect the tube from the needle in her hand so she could get her hand and arm through the sleeve.

She had seen the sadness on his face when he glanced at the pyjamas on the bed and she knew that there was more to this attractive man than met the eye.

But she would ask him about it another time.

He had helped her get dressed because she did not have the strength to do it herself, but now he was sitting on a chair next to the bed and was asking her questions. He had propped pillows up behind her back and had formally introduced himself to her and she committed his name to her memory.

But she could not answer any of his questions.

"Can ye remember ye name?"

"No."

"Ye birthday?"

"No."

"Ye address?"

"No."

"Family?"

"No."

"Job?"

"No."

"Ye favourite flavour of ice-cream?"

"What sort of question is that?"

James smiled at her, "Lass, a person's favourite flavour of ice-cream can defy who they are."

Meredith looked at him in confusion, "And how can that help me remember?"

James looked away, thoughtful for a few seconds before looking back at her.

"Well…I love peppermint choc-chip, so that shows that there are many layers to me but I have a nice green personality but I have a bit of chocolate bite."

Meredith stared at him blankly for a few seconds before she suddenly burst out into a fit of giggles.

James stared at her in brief shock, but he just smiled at her, "Well I wasn't expecting that for a reaction."

Meredith slowly stopped her giggling but she felt warmth spread through her entire being but she couldn't help but frown slightly as it felt so…unfamiliar.

As if she was used to being sad and unhappy…that laughter to her must be rare or something.

She looked at James with confused uncertainty and he watched her with concern.

"What is it lass?"

Half biting her lip in thought, she didn't answer for a few seconds, "I think that who ever I am…I must be…dark and twisted or whatever."

James rubbed his chin thoughtfully, studying her face, "Ye don't look like the type to be…'dark and twisted'? Never heard tha' expression before…"

Meredith looked down at the bedspread, thinking.

_Dark and twisted…why does that sound so familiar??_

Suddenly she looked at James with a slight smile, "Dark and twisted. That's how I described myself I think…"

James smiled, "Ye remember something?"

Meredith clung to the familiarity in her mind but as desperately as she tried, the feeling quickly disappeared and faded into the missing hole that was her memory.

Her face fell into one of disappointment and loss, looking at James with tears rising in her eyes she looked at him helplessly, "I thought I did but…" she hung her head, "it's gone."

James smiled sadly at her and leant forward, placing a hand on top of her left hand.

"Ye will remember it lass. I'll make sure of it."

She slowly turned to look down at their hands and then looked into his comforting face.

"How do you know?' she asked, tears rising again.

He looked away for a second before glancing back at her with a half-smile.

"How about I swear on the MacLean Oath?"

Meredith looked at him sceptically, "Is this a Scottish thing?"

James laughed slightly and smiled at her, his green eyes dancing with humour, "Aye lass, I guess you could say that."

Meredith felt her heart begin to beat slightly faster and her cheeks to suddenly become hot.

She smiled and looked away, feeling the blush creep across her face and she removed her hand from underneath his hand.

James, taking the hint, stood up and began to walk away into another room to allow her to get some rest but a small voice stopped him in his tracks.

"Can I stay here until I remember who I am? I don't think I could handle trying to go into the world at the moment…It seems safe here…If I am making any sense?"

Her voice sounded so quiet, helpless and unsure that James felt his heart beginning to stir, something that had not happened for…a long time.

He smiled at her, the smile travelling all the way up to his eyes and he nodded, "Aye, ye more than welcome to. I miss having company and I will do everything I can to help ye try to remember who ye are. But we have to get ye well again so ye can stand on ye own two feet before we do anything."

Meredith smiled back at him, grateful beyond words, "Thank you James."

James just nodded in reply and winked at her, a habit he had developed over the years, "Ye better get some rest now 'cause ye body needs it. If ye need anything, I'll just be in the next room makin' a cuppa."

"Ok." She said quietly before snuggling down under the covers and getting herself comfortable.

He smiled and walked out of the room and quietly shut the door behind him.

Her body was still extremely sore and felt beyond exhausted, but the warmth and security of the bed she was in seeped through the pain and discomfort and began to ease her body.

Meredith shut her eyes but she suddenly felt a deep part inside her suddenly feel sad. She did not know what it was, but the weight of the sadness began to press on her heart.

Confusion clouded her as the sadness suddenly disappeared and drifted to the back of her brain into the hole of blackness where everything was missing.

Her memories…identity…everything…

_I'll remember who I am._

Meredith thought this with such confidence as she thought of the man in the other room, knowing he was going to help her.

Save her when_ HE_ would not.

That man whom she could not remember but was there in her mind, hidden beneath a layer of darkness she could not penetrate just yet.

_Who is __HE__? It was HE that had made me feel the disappointment when I first woke up after James had rescued and saved me…_

Wondering this in silence, Meredith sighed sadly as she began to contemplate what she was going to do.

She did not know how old she was, her birthday, her name, her family, if she had a job, a boyfriend, nothing.

But at least she was alive and in a safe place, somewhere where she could begin to slowly pull herself back together. She knew deep down that she should really be in a hospital and needed a medical check-up, but she had the strong suspicion that James was a doctor because he knew exactly what he was doing and he seemed to have an endless medical supply that not normal people would have unless they were medical people themselves.

The thought of going to the local hospital and having to be checked out caused her to feel a sudden rush of sadness and slight panic.

Screwing her eyes up tight, Meredith felt tears suddenly begin to rise and begin to flow from under her closed lids.

There was something at the hospital that was bad and even though she had amnesia, she did not want to know what it was because she could not help but feel that it was the cause of all of her unexplainable sadness.

All she knew though was that she would just simply avoid it because whatever it was, she could not deal with any more shocks and emotional pain.

But the thought of James in the next room made a small smile creep onto Meredith's face and her sadness slightly lift off her heavy heart.

James was her angel and Meredith believed that karma had sent them to her so she would not be alone.

_Thank god for karma…_

**A/N**: **Thank you to every much who has reviewed this story so far! :D It gives me great joy to see that people are reading it and enjoying it. Almost as much as I have been enjoying writing it. And I am also loving the fact that no one is having a problem about how I am being slightly anti-Derek at the moment with this story. Still can't believe he kissed Rose…Grr! Any way, now I am not going to reveal what the pairing for this story is going to be because it could be either Meredith and McScottish James or just MerDer…but we will have to see because I am undecided. Although I added the character of James in because I have a weakness for Scottish men. Lol! :D**

**Please review! :D**

**Thanks! Jenn a.k.a fizzwizz15**


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